Game Report: Winterfell WItches vs Quantum Leap & Vagine Regime vs Soy Division

We've been a bit quiet on the game front since our league summer break and that ill-fated day in Edinburgh, but never fear for this Saturday GRD played host to not one but two wonderful games of roller derby. I'm even going to tell you about them!

First of all, however, you should know that this Saturday, the Maiden Grrders will be up in Aberdeen to take on Tier 4 North champions, Granite City Roller Derby's Northern Fights. For more information, check out the Facebook event. We'd love to see you there! And if you can't make that, check out our Events Calendar for an upcoming Irn Bruisers game in Newcastle, the continuation of our Home Teams Season and a wee musical fundraiser featuring that tiny blur on rollerskates, Jess E Ska.

Poster for the Pride weekend doubleheader, photo courtesy of Claire Brand.

Poster for the Pride weekend doubleheader, photo courtesy of Claire Brand.

Game 1: Quantum Leap (Team Science) vs Winterfell Witches (Team Magic/fantasy)

Since ancient times there has been tension between the rational, enlightened forces of science and the mysterious, otherworldly powers of magic. What better way to figure out who's right than a game of roller derby? Featuring mixed-level skaters from GRD, Auld Reekie Roller Girls, Ayrshire Roller Derby, Doonhame Roller Derby, and Mean City Roller Derby, including some newbies (here's looking at you, Fock Her, Fury L Spark and Poe Slameron!), we took to quad skates to decide the matter once and for all.

Wands were drawn, test tubes rattled and we were soon under way with not much to tell between the fantastical creatures and number-crunching boffins for the first few jams. Soon, however, either the fumes or some fairy curse must have got to our trusty nerds and the wizarding wonders started to pull ahead. By half time the score was 158-62 in favour of the magicians.

The white-coated wonders reapplied their safety goggles while the wily witches brought out their brooms and the whistle denoting the start of the second half was blown. Everyone's favourite defenders of reason fought valiantly FOR SCIENCE! but their devilish opponents were just as determined. Ultimately the Westerosi gave Quantum Leap's geeks a massive wedgie and stole their dinner money (which, given the usual consequence of failure in Westeros, means they got off lightly tbh).

Scientists Stargrazer & Bambo taking on the magical Jess Little. Photo courtesy of Dave McAleavy,

Scientists Stargrazer & Bambo taking on the magical Jess Little. Photo courtesy of Dave McAleavy,

Final score: Quantum Leap 121 - 319 Winterfell Witches

So it would appear that Santa is real, the Easter Bunny exists and all that nonsense about quantum physics was dreamed up by some bored lab techs after ingesting too much of something mind-altering.


Quantum Leap
Best Blocker: Velosidy 16
Best Jammer: Fury L Spark 64
MVP: Fury Eyes Only 007

Winterfell Witches
Best Blocker: Sadie O'Hades 311
Best Jammer: Hardcore 24
MVP: Jess Little 7

Game 2: Vagine Regime vs Soy Division

Rumour has it that there was a rainbow in Glasgow on Saturday, and its end was at the ARC sports centre. It's either that or we had Vagine Regime to visit on the day of the Glasgow Pride march and they brought the most spectacular multi-coloured helmet covers you ever did see, in an attempt to dazzle their plant-powered opponents, Soy Division.

It was also lovely to see and hear the fantastic Jeneral Strike and her new bionic limb, as one half of a formidable announcing partnership with fellow Irn Bruiser Siobhan Sinclair.

In the first jam, Vagine Regime's captain Inky Minx showed that she meant business and took lead jammer status, calling it for four points. Sarah McMillan for Soy made it out of the pack first in the following jam but a no pass/no penalty call allowed VR's Hoots to become lead and she took full advantage, with the score 12-8 in VR's favour by the time she called it. Both teams experimented with their tactics to find their opponent's weaknesses, with some lovely offence off the jam line from VR. The third jam saw SD pull ahead due to a power jam, with Hazzard jamming to end it 16-17 to Soy.

Wrath and Rosie Peacock with their eyes on the prize while Sarah McMIllan sneaks by for some offense. Photo courtesy of Dave McAleavy,

Wrath and Rosie Peacock with their eyes on the prize while Sarah McMIllan sneaks by for some offense. Photo courtesy of Dave McAleavy,

Unfortunately, an illegal star pass saw Phoenix sent to the penalty box for SD at the end of the following jam and VR's Catashtrophe capitalised, pulling ahead to end the fifth jam 55-17 to VR. Soy fought back hard, with some tactical calls to reduce the damage from VR and some lovely defensive walls including a powerful Phoenix/Collie combo that troubled Catashtrophe for some time.

Some really strong jamming from VR mixed with powerful blocking allowed them to pull ahead further across the first half, though that isn't to say that Soy were passive. A cracking apex jump from Soy's captain Sable, while VR's Rosie Peacock watched wistfully from the penalty box, made the audience sit up and pay attention but the points just kept coming for our en-rainbowed guests. Each team called for an official review but not even Soy's upheld review was able to turn the tide for them.

Despite some clever play, VR stretched out their lead over the first half, ending it 141-56 to VR.

Pumped up on kale and equal rights respectively, Soy and VR meant business in the first jam of the second half. With Catashtrophe jamming for VR and Postlewaight for Soy, Rosie Peacock saw the opportunity for a punishing offense and pulled the Soy jammer back, meanwhile Inky Minx did some good work to let her jammer sail past the opposition. The jam ended with Catashtrophe racking up an impressive 31 points, leaving it at 172-56.

VR kept the pressure on and pulled further ahead. By the end of the twelfth jam, which saw Sarah McMillan take lead jammer over Rosie Peacock with some lovely footwork up the outside line, the score stood at 193-78 with Soy's chances of clawing it back disappearing by the moment. At this point, VR called a team timeout which gave everyone a chance to collect their thoughts.

Clearly whatever was said to VR during the timeout did the trick and they became even more dominant. During jam 14, Catashtrophe managed to score an impressive 44 points surely pulling VR into an insurmountable lead with 241 points to Soy's 79. In jam 18, Soy managed to break the 100-point barrier with a Sarah McMillan jam featuring an apex jump described by the announcers as 'beautiful'.

Not to be outdone, VR send Rosie Peacock on in the very next jam in which she is noted to perform some interpretive dance before a huge hit and recycle to wear down the jammer, Sable. Presumably confused as to whether she was actually playing roller derby or featuring in some avant garde Fringe show, Sable passed the panty to Sylk but the jam came to an end almost immediately with the score 258-104.

In jam 23, the last of the game, Sable and Catashtrophe line up together behind the jam line once more. Catashtrophe plays a bit of fifth blocker to hold the Soy jammer at bay while giving time for the two VR blockers to get out of the penalty box, and then she disappears into the distance with a magnificent backwards spin through the pack. She makes it look easy, breeazing past some really brilliant defence and at the final whistle Vagine Regime's victory is confirmed.

Final score: Vagine Regime 291 - 108 Soy Division

A veritable rainbow of officials, both on- and off-skates. Photo courtesy of Dave McAleavy,

A veritable rainbow of officials, both on- and off-skates. Photo courtesy of Dave McAleavy,

If you were in attendance you may have noticed something a little unusual about our referees and NSOs (more than normal, I mean). For one day only our zebras and flamingoes eschewed their standard colours and went more than a little bit rainbow in honour of Pride - and they looked fantastic! Thanks, as always, to every single one of them as without them these games couldn't happen.


Vagine Regime
Best Blocker: Slappedash 190
Best Jammer: Catashtrophe 663
MVP: Rosie Peacock 50

Soy Division
Best Blocker: Drama Bomb 000
Best Jammer: Sarah McMillan 7
MVP: Sable v20

I would also like to thank everyone who came along to give us their support, all of our volunteers whose hard work made the day run smoothly and the EMTs who are always on hand with a smile and some expert first aid skills as needed.

Game Report : Home Teams Season 7 {T-Wrecks vs Bad Omens; T-Wrecks vs Death Stars}

The last outing for our home teams was in November, so they were well overdue an airing on Saturday! The first event in this year's home teams calendar saw the T-Wrecks taking on last year's champions, the Bad Omens, followed by the Death Stars. Lightsabers were dusted off, dinosaur masks acquired and the Omens practised their best crow impressions - there's nothing like a bit of intraleague rivalry!

The poster for the Home Teams Season Opener - photos courtesy of Dave McAleavy.

The poster for the Home Teams Season Opener - photos courtesy of Dave McAleavy.


Game 1: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks vs Bad Omens

Taking to the track for the first time in a public game were Nitrojen for the T-Wrecks, and Katie Toerag, Sarah McGettigan, Spin Diesel and Tesla Recoil for the Bad Omens - they all did some spectacular things and we're proud of them all!

We were also glad to welcome some guest skaters from Ayrshire Roller Derby for the first game: Bambo and R2-Deck You, skating for the T-Wrecks. Also playing was the T-Wrecks' Rosalind Cracklin' who started fresh meat with GRD and now divides her time between Glasgow and Tel Aviv where she was integral to the set-up of their league!

Last year's winners the Bad Omens took an early lead, with the score at 18-23 in their favour after the first jam. They maintained their dominance until jam 4, when a fabulous effort from Sarah McMillan stacked on points for the T-Wrecks, resulting in a lead change ending the jam with the score 50-42. Six jams in, the T-Wrecks maintained their lead 69-46 and in jam 7 Bambo took full advantage of a power jam to take the score to 83-46 with up to three Bad Omens in the penalty box at various points during the jam. TW co-captain Jeneral Strike scored quickly in jam 9 and then called it, taking the scores to 91-46 and in jam 11 one of our newbies, Nitrojen, donned the star for a power jam and fought hard against tough opposition to squeeze out some points leaving the scores at 103-50. Shorty McLightning Pants jamming for the Bad Omens in jam 13 clearly did not suffer triskaidekaphobia and took lead jammer over Puma Thurman, got the points and called it to leave the half time score 107-70 to the T-Wrecks, despite a lovely spin noted by the commentators from Puma.

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks' guest Bambo showing off her jamming skills against the Bad Omens.

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks' guest Bambo showing off her jamming skills against the Bad Omens.

The second half opened with the Bad Omens trailing by 37 points, and both teams meant business with two Irn Bruisers squaring up on the jam line - Sarah McMillan for the T-Wrecks and Shorty McLightning Pants for the Bad Omens. Shorty quickly took lead but ended up in the penalty bin twice; McMillan capitalised and piled on the points with the jam ending 132-70. Two skaters making their track debut, Tesla Recoil and Nitrojen, faced off against each other in jam 3 with Nitro working hard to eventually get lead with Recoil sent to the bin alongside several T-Wrecks; the jam ended 162-71. Jam 5 saw another newbie, Spin Diesel, jamming but unfortunately getting a forearms penalty as she fought to pass the last blocker, leaving Strike to get lead and take the score to 187-74. Multiple Bad Omens spent time in the penalty box in jam 8 but Thurman made hard work of jamming for the dinos with Stargrazer taking lead for the Omens and calling the jam at 201-81. Following a quick ninth jam, the T-Wrecks called for a team timeout to discuss which of the Jurassic Park films were their favourite (Ed - I favour the original!)

Jam 10 saw some fresh blood lining up to jam with Penny Pinch'er for the Omens and Mad Natter for the T-Wrecks featuring on the jam line - 28 seconds later it was all over 205-85. One of our guests, R2-Deck You, took a jam against Shorty for number eleven; Shorty got lead and took advantage of it for an impressive thirty points, breaking the 100-point barrier - 205-115. The following jam started with Puma Thurman and Penny Pinch'er with the stars - Puma took lead and gained fifteen points while Penny passed the star to BO captain Janie Bones; the jam ended 220-115. Some malign Bad Omens influence made the next jam (number 13, again) the last one of the game and saw Spin Diesel against Rosalind Cracklin' (in hilarious niche feminist/science jokes, my note-taker for the game has documented this as Spin vs Watson & Crick).

Final score: T-Wrecks 220 - 135 Bad Omens

Thanks to the bench staff for all their support: Beav Aggressive as LUM/bench manager for Bad Omens, and LUM Maw Deuce with bench manager Submarine for T-Wrecks.


Best Blocker: Cara Viola 823
Best Jammer: Nitrojen 97
MVP: Mad Natter 3

Bad Omens
Best Blocker: Sadie O'Hades 311
Best Jammer: Spin Diesel 55
MVP: Shorty McLightning Pants 03

Game 2 : Tyrannosaurus Wrecks vs Death Stars

After a short break, the T-Wrecks were lining up again to face the fresh-faced, well-rested Death Stars and their evil Sith powers. Sarah McGettigan and Spin Diesel switched from the Bad Omens to guest for the T-Wrecks and the Death Stars had Bad Manders, Five Star Sylk, Roller Dobby, Sin Binner and Stripey guesting from Mean City Roller Derby.

The Death Stars' talents are not restricted to skating; they possess some excellent cabaret skills too.

The Death Stars' talents are not restricted to skating; they possess some excellent cabaret skills too.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, Marshall Lawless started off behind the jam line with TW co-captain Jeneral Strike; Lawless took the Death Stars to an early lead in jam 1 which ended 4-5 in favour of the Empire. The power of the dark side was evident again in jam 2, with Bruise Missile taking lead over Sarah McGettigan and calling it at 4-13. The third jam ended 7-13, and Sarah McMillan put some primordial pressure on the DS in jam 4 against Stripey; 11-13. The Death Stars pulled further ahead in jam 4 which finished 13-18 but the tide turned in favour of prehistory in jam 5: with Five Star Sylk sent to the bin, McGettigan seized lead for the TW and took full advantage of the power jam; lead change 38-18. The T-Wrecks' other guest Spin Diesel jammed next, against Bruise, and both scored points, taking it to 53-23. McMillan demonstrated the dominance of an apex predator in jam 8, ending at 62-23.

Following an official review, Strike took on Bruise for a few points each: 66-27. In jam 10, Lawless came tantalisingly close to getting lead, but cut track and got sent to the penalty box leaving Spin free to take lead and score points - despite being accidentally blocked by her teammate Puma Thurman! 72-36. Another official review, which wasn't upheld, preceded jam 11 in which TW's Nitrojen was sent off and lead jammer Stripey was made to earn every last point, calling it at a palindromic 74-47. In jam 12, Sylk took the lead against McMillan - the crowd went wild, but she was only able to add one point to the Death Stars' total, leaving the scoreline 74-48. The following jam ended with no-one gaining points as Bruise took lead but was nearly overtaken by Strike forcing her to call it. Phoenix Fatale landed a punishing hit on McGettigan in jam 14; the latter was then taken backwards round the track by Lawless jamming for DS, leaving a lot of people uncertain as to where she should re-enter the track on her minus-one pass. The confusion ended with the half time score static at 74-48.

Though the T-Wrecks maintained their lead for much of the first half, everyone was well aware that this could still be anyone's game with only 26 points between the teams. One good jam could change it all! McGettigan took the first jam of the half for TW against Bruise and was quickly sent off for a penalty. Bruise made it through the pack for lead jammer status, just as McGettigan re-entered the track, but was sent straight back off for cutting. 74-63. The dinosaurs started to feel the nerves as jam 2 opened as a power jam for Lawless who easily took lead - the TW star was passed to Strike and the jam ended 82-79.

Another official review to keep the officials on their toes was followed by jam 3, with a cameo from DS captain Haberbashery wearing her team's star. She took the lead but was then sent to the bin for a penalty; Strike made the Death Stars pay in the power jam, which ended 97-80. Spin jammed in the fourth but was dominated by Sylk's defense, 110-101. Jam 5 was a power jam for McMillan who then cut track, leaving it open for Bruise to score an easy few for the Death Stars, but McMillan brought it back with an apex jump - 123-110. Sylk took the lead in jam 6 against Strike but called it quickly for zero points all round. McMillan faced guest skater Stripey in number seven and dominated for the dinosaurs, 133-112.

Jam 8 took a while to warm up, with Lawless jamming for the DS eventually taking lead, but she was then overtaken by Strike who managed to score a few. 143-117. Strike jammed again in the ninth against Sylk; the former ended up in the penalty box but Sylk struggled to make her pay and the jam ended 143-118. Jam 10 then saw Bruise sent off early on for a back block, leaving a power jam for Puma who struggled against some awesome defense and was knocked off the inside twice and taken back. An exasperated Puma star passed to TW co-captain Shona Mercy who managed to score some; the jam ended 148-126.

The Death Stars then called a team timeout, presumably to discuss whether or not the prequels should really be considered part of the Star Wars franchise or if we should just never talk about them again. The debate clearly re-energised Lawless, who blasted through the pack in jam 11 against McMillan, but was then contained by the T-Wrecks' defense and called it 157-135.

Not wanting to feel left out, the T-Wrecks called a team timeout to consider the relative evolutionary disadvantage of having such tiny arms but concluded that size isn't everything. The twelfth and final jam of the game pitted Lawless against infrequent jammer Cara Viola - Lawless made it through first, but with a no-pass-no-penalty, leaving Cara to take lead jammer and, once time had expired, call off the jam for a T-Wrecks victory!

Final score: T-Wrecks 157 - 143 Death Stars

They even just about managed to get all of the T-Wrecks in the same photo, without the use of a selfie stick! Just look how pleased they are at taking the win in both games.

They even just about managed to get all of the T-Wrecks in the same photo, without the use of a selfie stick! Just look how pleased they are at taking the win in both games.

Thanks to the bench staff for all their support: LUM Scara-Leigh and bench manager Trucks Norris for the Death Stars and the T-Wrecks bench staff unchanged from the first game.


Best Blocker: Cara Viola 823
Best Jammer: Sarah McMillan 7
MVP: Jeneral Strike 789

Death Stars
Best Blocker: Phoenix Fatale 507
Best Jammer: Bruise Missile 77
MVP: Marshall Lawless 42

Thanks as always to everyone who made today possible - referees, non-skating officials, photographers, volunteers, stall holders, EMTs and everyone else. And to the crowd who came along and showed their support for all of the teams: it was a lovely atmosphere and we all had such a wonderful time!

If that's whetted your appetite for EVEN MORE ROLLER DERBY, then keep an eye on our Events Page for more info on some Edinburgh-based fun in early August or some home games at the end of the same month. And if you've picked a side in the eternal battle between the home teams then you've got until the end of June to take advantage of the 10% discount off the relevant merch in our online store - and why not treat yourself to other GRD goodness while you're there?!

For now, we're signing off for a well-earned fortnight of rest for the league - see you on the other side!